Reading blogs this week I am seeing the same question over and over – Being A Friend When Trauma Hits, What Can I Do?
Most important thing you can do for your friend or loved one is never go away no matter what happens. Remember they’re crying and emotional state is not reflected on you directly it is the pain, sleep deprivation and loss the human friend is experiencing and trying to process.
No matter how upset the trauma causes your loved one or friend to act, remember to not take it personal it is not about you. Humans are direct line thinkers and we take things so darn personally we have to learn how to have emotional control and empathy for others.
Continue to come over and see the person who has suffered from trauma, bring lunch, and just hug them. If you were friends as a couple do your best to continue being friends as a couple this will take some creativity on your part but well worth saving the friendship if it is worth it. We are indeed grateful for our friends that deemed us important enough to not walk away and walked thru the pain, suffering and loss with us; yes when you make the decision to stay with your friend or loved one you will feel the pain they are feeling and the loss but you will also be part of GOD’s plan to heal and change the victim and you into a much deeper human being.
After the semi truck accident we had so very much support from everywhere it seemed but after a couple of months people just disappeared and the worst part was deep connections (friends) just drifted away. They are no longer our friends but will forever remain loved and prayed for by us.
What can I do to help my friend or loved one suffering from trauma (cancer, car accident, disability, pain, depression, death, drugs, alcohol) and much more?
Stay connected to them it is normal to withdrawal and isolate one’s self when suffering from pain and trauma try to find a pain doctor, sleep doctor and counselor for your friend. Counseling is a wonderful way to sort out how to move forward after trauma strikes as so much changes in the victims life. I need to write “I do not like the word victim”, this is the correct word when riding as a passenger and getting struck with a semi truck leaving me with large screws in my pelvis for life, chronic pain, a life long disability. What I choose do with the trauma that I have survived can change me from a victim to a victor. I work very hard to stay in the victor role with the help of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, my husband and best friend and a very small handful of close intimate friends.
To my husband and close friends I am forever grateful as they never stopped believing GOD could change this trauma in a blessing they never stopped believing in me and their strength became the wind beneath my wings and brought many smiles to my face.
Things that helped me:
Blogging on the Donkey Whisperer Farm as connecting with people who I have become close friends with via the internet has been very helpful. People have sent me prayers and encouragement from all over the world and for these readers I am indeed grateful. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me and takes the time to read and write a comment on my blog, this really has helped me with the isolation.
Thank you to all the Word Press readers who have touched my life and others via blogging!
As a victim of trauma I believe I can describe what I most appreciated from my friends most of them are still near me but a few were burnt off from the flames of trauma. I most appreciated prayer (I could hear or read),visits, hugs, e-mails, phone calls and for my friends to take the time to stay connected to me and my husband. I most appreciated my friends speaking faith into me telling me I would get better and I would survive, telling me how very important I am to them. We went thru almost two years of never being able to go out to dinner, not being able to go to the movies, not being able to go shopping. The simple things in life became the most difficult for me with the pain.
Remember you could be next, you could be the victim of cancer, a life threatening car accident, depression, death, family stuff out of your control as non of us are protected from the pain and suffering of this world 100%. We live in a fallen world and I believe GOD is still on the throne and still in control. I believe GOD uses each of his human angles to help another living human and animal not only survive life but thrive.
Here is one of my most favorite personal prayers:
Abba (Father GOD)
Thank you for the angels available to help us, as they harken to the voice of GOD’s word (from the bible).
In Jesus Christ Precious name Amen.
Send me you thoughts and questions on living thru trauma as a loved one or friend, I am happy to help and I will pray for you if you would like.
GOD bless you and your family two and four-legged!